I am short and fat. I cannot tell you how long I debated writing that sentence. If I did not think that statement would help other women who struggle with their weight I never would have written it. I have always been taught and believe that people see you as you see yourself. That words are powerful and you need to guard them so they do not cause harm to you or to others. And honestly, I really don’t want you to see me as short and fat. But when you look at me now that is what you will see because I just put that description of myself in your head.
I would really prefer that you buy into the lie I have been telling myself for years that I am curvy and petite instead. Nice words – words that don’t offend – but words that mask the real issue at hand. Issues for me personally that include gluttony. Disobedience. Turning to food when I should be turning to God. Not taking care of the body God has given me. Living a sedentary lifestyle.
This is not about a number on a scale for me or the size of my clothing tags. This is about getting healthy. Confessing the sin of gluttony and asking for forgiveness. Being obedient to God’s command that I take care of His temple. Not giving into the temptation to eat every piece of candy on the table in front of me during a 2 hour meeting last night. At 48 this is about mid-life maintenance. The need to live the next 50 years healthier than I did the last 15.
I was faced with the reality of my actual shape and size recently while staying in a hotel. With a full-length mirror. That showed my entire body. Both sitting and standing. I have to admit it was a bit of shock. I have spent most of the last 15 years editing the parts of my body that are fat from photos and mirrors. Most of the mirrors in my house only show me from the shoulders up.
I applaud any woman who is friends with her body and does not struggle with body image issues. Whatever shape or size you are if this is you – good for you! I do not in any way mean to say that fat is bad and thin is good. I am just trying to be transparent in sharing my own journey. For me, the shape of my body is indicative of the larger issues outlined above.
So let me share a couple of thoughts from scripture that offer hope if this is an area of struggle for you:
We can resist temptation: 1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds us that God is faithful and He will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. We just have to do our part. Last night that meant pushing the candy clear across the table so that I would have to physically get up in front of a room full of people to get a piece. It also meant asking a friend at the table to hold me accountable.
We need to put God first: Exodus 20:3 says that we are to have no other gods. If I turn to food when I should be turning to God then I am making a god (little “g”) out of food. We need to bring God into our struggles with food. To be in active prayer and conversation with Him. To ask for forgiveness if we are guilty of the sin of gluttony, disobedience etc.
When you think of me in the future I do not want you to think of me as short and fat. I want you to think of me as healthy and active. What 2 words accurately describe you today and what do you want those 2 words to be a year from now? With God’s help I believe we can do this!
Precious Father – Thank you for the body you have given me. Forgive me for not taking care of it as I should. Lord please help me to stay the course to healthy. Amen