An Unquenchable Thirst

I spent 2 hours this afternoon immersed in God’s word. Before you get too impressed let me start with a confession. I set a goal to read through the Bible this year using The One Year: Through the Bible Devotional. Today is January 12 and I was on January 2. Not a very auspicious start. The plan was to get up a half–hour early and start my day with prayer and Bible study. But each day came and went as I let something else take priority.

A 2 hour investment this afternoon has brought me to January 7 as I work to catch up so I can move forward doing one day at a time. It has also brought me a renewed motivation to read the Bible each day. How I decide to spend my time is my choice. I could have chosen to answer email, return phone calls, clean the house or run some errands this afternoon. Instead I chose to set those things aside (knowing they will still be there when I am done) and invest my time in reading God’s word.

To build relationship with an earthly friend I need to spend time with them. To build relationship with my Heavenly Father also requires time spent together. The Bible is God’s written word for me and the best opportunity that I have to get to know him better.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 tells us, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Peter 1:21 explains that the men who wrote it (the Bible) “spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.”

I don’t know about you but I need to be taught and trained and equipped for every good work. And yes, sometimes - most especially – I need to be rebuked and corrected. All of the answers that I need and that I am seeking are found between the covers of my Bible. My job is to carve out the time to read, study, know, internalize and memorize scripture.

I came to a saving relationship with Christ in 1976. I started with a red children’s Bible that I received as a gift from the church where I was baptized. I have used many different versions and translations over the last 40 years. One of the things that I have realized in studying scripture is that the more I read - the more there is to learn. God always meets me on the pages of my Bible. And I still get a fresh thrill when he reveals something new that I have not seen before. Please join me in making 2016 the year we dig into scripture in a new and exciting way.

Precious Father, thank you for the opportunity to study the Bible. Please give me an unquenchable thirst for your Word. Help me to make starting my day with you my first priority each and every day. Amen.

When the Boot Fits

My local shoe warehouse had a pair of tall brown boots that fit this afternoon. A simple statement that may not mean much to you but means a whole lot to me. Boots have been in style for several years but I was unable to find a pair that fit my calves until last year. After a 26 pound weight loss. They were black and had a heel and zipped all the way up to the top just below my knee. Months later it still feels great when I zip them up. If you have never been over weight it may be harder for you to understand the tears that streamed down my face at the shoe store that day.

I am 47 years old, 5 foot 2 (and ¾), and weighed 215 at my heaviest. It is hard to own that number and write that number and share that number. But I am trying to be transparent here in hopes that it strikes a chord with other people who struggle with their weight. According to the experts I need to loose around 70 pounds to meet the weight loss goal they have set for my age and height.

In 2015 I started the year with that goal as my target. From January through May I worked hard to eat healthy, lose weight and exercise several times a week.  Experiencing what it felt like to be physically fit was one of my highlights in 2015. The last time I was that (notice past tense) healthy was when I was pregnant with my first daughter. The one who graduated this spring. In the intervening 18 years I have been up and down the scale and had forgotten what it felt like to be healthy.

As a result I had more energy & stamina, better moods & immune system, got more done each day, slept better at night and was in a better frame of mind. I pulled out a tub of clothes in smaller sizes that I had kept for “someday.” And someday had finally arrived. I hit mile markers at my weekly weight loss meeting – a 5% loss & then a 10% loss. More tears came the day I weighed in and was under 200 pounds for the first time in many years.

Summer brought less exercise and poor food choices. By fall I was still making poor food choices and was no longer exercising. The end result was gaining back 16 of those 26 pounds by the end of the year. Which also meant a return to less energy, poor sleep, a compromised immune system and a poorer frame of mind.

So what does all this mean as I head in to the New Year? It means that I get to choose where I place my focus and how I choose to move forward. So I am going to choose to celebrate the 10 pounds I kept off instead of looking at the 16 pounds I gained back. And I am going to move forward thanking God for the gift of experiencing what it felt like to live in a healthier body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says: Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with Your bodies.

Precious Father thank you for the gift of my life and this body. Please forgive me when I take it for granted. Forgive me for not taking better care of your temple. Help me Lord to honor you with my body. Too often I turn to food when I should be turning to you. I am sorry Lord. Thank you for helping me to keep 10 pounds off. And thank you for reminding me what it feels like to be healthy. I give my weight loss journey to you Lord. Amen.

Celebrations & Do-overs

I am a person who has always looked forward to the New Year as a fresh start.  A chance for a much needed do-over in some areas and a celebration of accomplishment in other areas. It is a time of reflection and renewal for me. What worked in 2015? What did not work last year? Am I gaining in areas that have challenged me in the past or am I losing ground?

What can I celebrate from 2015? Learning new things like updating my web site, creating an identity for my ministry and writing a weekly blog. Making new friends and deepening old ones. Growing my direct sales business and helping others reach their goals. Supporting a best friend who got married and a daughter who graduated and moved away to college. Losing 26 pounds and getting physically fit.

And in what areas am I thankful for a much needed do-over? Balancing better and creating more time for margin. Losing the 15 pounds I gained back and starting to exercise again. Being a more supportive wife to my husband’s job change that requires more hours and more travel. Investing daily time in God’s word and listening carefully for his voice. Being a better steward of the resources God has given me.

All of this is possible but not in my own power. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” This verse is specifically talking about our basic needs – what to eat, drink, wear. It is applicable, however, to this time of reflection. I need to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness to make sure that what I seek line’s up with what God wants for me.  

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” In 2016 I want straighter paths taken with a healthier body.

Dear Lord, I want to trust in you with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Help me in all ways to submit to you. Amen. 

See the People Around You This Christmas

As I lay in bed this morning I was writing bits and pieces of this blog in my head. Drifting in and out of sleep I alternately prayed and wrote, prayed and wrote. So many thoughts and ideas flitting by. I am going to grab a few of them to share with you today.

I am a creature of habit. I grocery shop at the same store at the same time each week and make the effort to talk with the employees I come in contact with. I think we all have a need to be known and my routine allows me to be known in the midst of a big city at this particular store.  This week’s shopping excursion brought me in contact with 3 of my regulars.

The first was at the meat department where an employee played the game by greeting me and asking me if my Christmas shopping was done. When I returned the question he said no because Christmas was a holiday that did not really mean anything to him. A simple question – a profound answer – and an opportunity to pray that Christ would be brought into this man’s Christmas this year.

The second was the woman at check out. The one who smiles and has a kind word for everyone in her line. The one whose line is always the longest but I wait for anyway because I want to wish her a Merry Christmas. Because I now that she will ask about my plans and tell me about hers.

And the third? The third is the man who followed me out for a Christmas hug (as he put it) and to personally take my cart back into the store. The one who asks if my daughter is back from college and did I cry when I saw her? He asks because one Monday morning when he asked me how my weekend was I burst into tears because my daughter had just gone away to college. Through brief conversations during my weekly shopping trip I have learned that he has a relationship with his daughter that needs prayer.

As a creature of habit I do “Countdown to Christmas” for a couple of women in my life each year. Someone who could use a little extra encouragement. They open a small, inexpensive gift each day of the 5 days leading up to Christmas. One of the friends God directed me to this year sent me a text that said in part, “I know every gift will be like a hug from you, and also a reminder that I am ‘seen’ in a hard season.” That is exactly the point. Because don’t we all want a moment, in the chaos of a sometimes frantic holiday season, to slow down and to know that we are seen?

In Genesis 16:13 it says, “You are the God who sees me,” for she (Haggar) said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” At this time of year, when much of the preparation for Christmas falls on the women around me I want them to know that God sees them. And that when their efforts feel unappreciated, God appreciates them.  And that when they are weary they can climb into their Father’s lap and find rest.

Who are the people around you that need to know that they are “seen” this Christmas? The exhausted sales clerk, the weary young mom, the new neighbor, the maxed UPS driver? Take a moment to offer a smile and a kind word to the people who cross your path this holiday season.

Precious Father – Thank you that you are the God who sees us. Thank you that when we are weary we can find our rest in you. Help us this Christmas, in the midst of too much to do, to slow down and see the people around us. Please open opportunities to pray for the people we come in contact with Lord. Amen.

Three Wise Women of Christmas - Mary

We conclude the three wise women with Mary, the mother of Jesus. Obviously the most important of the three women and by far the youngest. But both Anna and Elizabeth had an important role to play as well. Elizabeth was the mother of John who prepared the way for Jesus as well as being Mary’s confidante and mentor. Anna was the messenger who proclaimed the birth of the Messiah to all who would hear.

We meet Mary for the first time in Luke 1:26-28. In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

Who is this girl that is highly favored? A young teenager somewhere between the ages of 12 and 15 since that was the average marrying age of a girl in that time and that place. From the obscure town of Nazareth in the district of Galilee. A poor, uneducated girl who could not afford to sacrifice a lamb at the temple but instead offered 2 doves.

Luke 1:29 – 31 goes on to say, Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. Verses 32-37 explain how she will conceive as a virgin through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Mary’s reply in Luke 1:38 is an example of complete submission and surrender to the will of God. “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.” Then the angel left her. With her answer Mary became the first person to accept Jesus on His own terms regardless of the cost. A cost that was high from the very beginning. As an unwed mother her reputation was ruined. She would have endured ridicule, scorn and judgement. A Jewish betrothal was much more binding than an engagement in modern times and could be broken only by divorce. Joseph had the right to accuse her of adultery, a crime punishable by death. By saying yes to God she was literally risking her life.

“Mary lived to see her Son mocked and ridiculed, spat upon, beaten with fists – and with whips. She saw His back ripped to ribbons, His brow bruised and bloody from the crown of thorns pressed into His flesh. She was there when a sword pierced His side – when He was nailed to a cross and condemned to a most brutal and humiliating death. She stood at the foot of the cross in total shock and utter disbelief. She watched Him die. Mary was also there three days later when the tomb was found empty, the stone rolled away.” Christin Ditchfield – The 3 Wise Women: A Christmas Reflection.

But as someone who was highly favored by God Mary trusted that God would meet her needs. The angel Gabriel tells her in Luke 1:36 – 37, Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God. Scripture tells us that Mary hurried to Elizabeth. The only other person who could understand a miraculous pregnancy and divine intervention. To the one person who filled with the Holy Spirit would proclaim and confirm for Mary that she was pregnant with Jesus. In verse 45 Elizabeth ends her proclamation by saying, “Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!”

Mary gives us an example of someone who accepts Jesus on his own terms regardless of the cost. Someone who puts her complete trust in God and as a result was the chosen vessel to bear God’s holy Son. Someone who truly believed that nothing is impossible with God.

Lord, give us the courage of Mary to accept your Son no matter what. May we put our complete trust in you knowing that nothing is impossible for God. And may we live a life that is pleasing in your eyes. Amen

Three Wise Women of Christmas - Elizabeth

The second of the three wise women brings us to Elizabeth. Luke 1:5-7 says, 5 In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. 6 Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly. 7 But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old.

There is a lot to unpack in these few verses. As descendants of Aaron they came from a long and prestigious line of priests. Considered righteous in the sight of God only two other people in scripture are described in this same way – Simeon who held the baby Jesus in the temple and Joseph, Jesus earthly father.  To Jews righteous meant faithful and serious in keeping all of God’s laws.

However, the next verse (they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive) tells us that they were not considered blameless and righteous to the people around them. In that culture at that time people believed that if you were barren it meant you were under divine punishment for some great sin. So Elizabeth would have lived a life filled with the suspicions and judgements of others. Not only that but being barren was also considered grounds for divorce. If the husband chose to stay with his barren wife he could legally take another wife with which to have children.

And since “they were both very old” the hope of having a child had long since passed. Scholars place Elizabeth’s age somewhere between 71 and 99. For the sake of brevity I will sum up verses 8-23 since they are mostly about Zechariah and my focus is on Elizabeth. Zechariah had an encounter in the temple with an angel that literally left him speechless for about 9 months. Gabriel told him his prayers had been heard and that Elizabeth would bear him a son.

Luke 1:24-25 says, 24 After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. 25 “The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.” In God’s perfect timing Elizabeth could not have become pregnant any sooner. Luke 1:17 tells us John was needed to “make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”

In God’s great providence and care he brought together the only 2 women who could truly understand, comfort, an support each other. Luke 1: 39-44 unites Mary and Elizabeth at a key time in their pregnancies. One at the beginning still reeling from the shock, the other 6 months along.  39 At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, 40 where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth. 41 When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. 42 In a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! 43 But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 44 As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. What an amazing confirmation for Mary of all that the angel Gabriel had told her!

Verse 56 tells us Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home. During those three months a much older Elizabeth had the opportunity to pour into Mary’s life, to affirm Mary, to encourage her, to mentor her and to confirm the word of the Lord to Mary. And I have to believe that Mary was huge help to a pregnant mother of a very old age.

The last we hear of Elizabeth is in Luke 1:57-58, 57 When it was time for Elizabeth to have her baby, she gave birth to a son.58 Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown her great mercy, and they shared her joy.

Elizabeth shows us the power of hope and waiting on the Lord, the value of a patient heart, and the importance of obedience to God.  She models a pouring out of one’s self into another’s life.

Lord, may we, like Elizabeth put our hope in you. May we be patient as we wait on your perfect timing. Help us to pour into a younger person’s life. And may we be obedient Lord to your commandments. Amen

 

Three Wise Women of Christmas - Anna

Over the three weeks leading up to Christmas I am going to be taking a look at the Three Wise Women of Christmas – Anna, Elizabeth and Mary. So much time and attention has been given to the wisemen over the years that we have overlooked a part of the Christmas story that has so much more to teach us about wisdom and bowing down to King Jesus.

To really look at the story we are going to go back 84 years before Jesus birth.  (Or by some accounts 106 years – 15 average marrying age + 7 years married + 84 years widowed.) That was when Anna, the prophetess, was born. She joins an elite group of women who are mentioned as prophets in scripture – Miriam, Deborah, Huldah and the daughters of Philip. Anna appears in only 3 verses of Luke’s telling of the birth of Jesus, and not at all in Matthew or John’s, but there is much we can learn from her.

Luke 2:36-38 says, 36There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37 and then was a widow until she was eighty-four.[a] She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. 38 Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.

A widow in biblical times was particularly vulnerable and had no means of support. No children are mentioned so we can assume she had no one to care for her in her old age. To be a widow for so many years made her position even more precarious. Verse 37 tells us that she never left the temple. Herod’s temple had various rooms built into the outer walls and many believe that is where she lived, in a room built into the wall of the Courts of Women.

Verse 37 goes on to say that Anna worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. This is a women with a serious relationship with her Lord. A wise women who would have been allowed no farther than the Court of Women and who would have been well known to all of the younger women around her. One of the first biblical examples of a Titus 2 woman who would have trained the younger women in the ways of the Lord.

Anna had spent her entire life waiting for the birth of the Messiah. God’s timing had brought Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus into the temple and into Anna’s path. And when prompted by the Holy Spirit she did not hesitate “coming up to them at that very moment.” How different our lives would be if we, too, responded in immediate obedience!

It goes on to say that “she gave thanks to God.” Liz Curtis Higgs in her wonderful book The Women of Christmas says, “If we did this one thing – this one thing – it would change our lives and the lives of those around us forever. If we blessed God openly and regularly, if we gave him credit instead of taking it for ourselves, if the first thing that came to mind and mouth was glorifying his name, we too might catch a glimpse of the Christ, as Anna did when she broke into an anthem of praise to God.”

Verse 38 concludes by saying Anna “spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.” The great good news of the birth of our Savior was too good to be kept to herself. Anna had spent 84 years of her life serving, worshiping, praying and fasting. She had built a reputation that would have put weight behind her words and caused all who heard to listen.

What an amazing example Anna is to all of us! She gives us an example of a person who is steadfast, totally devoted to God, obedient when he calls, thanking God in all things. A person who did not let age or circumstances sidetrack her from God’s call on her life.

Lord, may we be more like Anna. May we be prompt in our obedience and sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading. May we give thanks and praise to you in all things. And may we be a living testimony of your love and power to those around us. Amen

Give Thanks IN All Circumstances

With Thanksgiving week upon us I want to focus on what it means to me to “give thanks in all circumstances.” My life verse is found in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” God brought this verse to my attention at a time when I was really struggling with understanding God’s will for my life.

It is the little word in a verse that so often contains a big part of the meaning. Paul is not saying to be thankful FOR all circumstance but rather to be thankful IN all circumstances.  Like joy, our thankfulness needs to be based on our relationship with Christ rather than the external circumstances of life.

For example:

* I am not thankful that I was addicted to pornography. I am thankful that God has broken the chains of that addiction and that what Satan intended for evil God is using for good.

*A person is not usually thankful for a job loss. But in that circumstance they can be thankful that God continues to provide and meet their needs.

*Someone diagnosed with cancer would not be thankful for the illness. But they can be thankful for accessible health care and the support of family and friends.

Regardless of our circumstance we can gives thanks that God loved us so much that he sent his son to die for us, that nothing can separate from the love of God, and that God gives us the strength we need.

There are no guarantees that life will be easy. In John 16:33 Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” That is the perspective that will help us learn to find a reason to give thanks in every situation.

Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”                     

In “whatever I do” for me means:

* Thanking God for the opportunity and ability to walk as I enjoy a crisp morning stroll.

*Thanking God for the talents and ability that allow me to earn a living.

* Thanking God for a car and the skill to drive it as I take our daughter to school.
And the list could go on and on.

What are you thankful for today? And how can you find something to be give thanks for IN all circumstances? Please join me in praying 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: Precious Father, please help me to be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances. Amen.                                                               

 

 

Being Transparent When Temptation Lingers

I am finding the name that God gave me for my ministry, Living the Life Transparent, a challenging one. For me it is easier to be transparent one-on-one or talking to a group than it is to be transparent in black and white with words on a screen.

Case in point - although God has chosen to free me from an addiction to pornography I am still tempted. Hard to admit because I want to be a recovered porn addict - done, finished, complete. When in reality I am a recovering porn addict and may be so for the rest of my life. Being tempted keeps me humble and it keeps me in his word and on my knees. It also keeps me real and makes me a continuing work in progress.

In Living Free: Learning to Pray God's Word Beth Moore tells the story of a woman who was set free from an addiction to both alcohol and tobacco years ago. She has no desire whatsoever to smoke but still has the desire to drink. Beth goes on to make the following point, "If God had broken her free of every stronghold that easily & rapidly, she would never have learned to depend on Him. The lingering desire to drink, coupled with an exceeding desire to overcome, has challenged her to choose the authority and power of God every single day. In His sovereign wisdom God teaches his strength in her weakness."

I met recently with a friend who is a recovered alcoholic. Tattooed on her arm is the quote “But for the grace of God go I.” It struck a chord deep down inside me. I think this rings true for all of us no matter what area we struggle with – addiction, dishonesty, gluttony, pride etc. Because any of these (and many others) taken to the extreme destroys lives. But by God’s grace we are saved.

2 Corinthian 12:9-10 says, “But he (the Lord) said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

In what areas do you struggle? And are you allowing God’s strength to shine through your weaknesses? Join me in praying God’s word – Lord, Thank you that your grace is sufficient for me. Help me to delight in my weakness knowing that through it your power is made perfect. Amen.

Friendship Matters

I had the privilege of speaking this last weekend at a women's retreat. I spoke in the morning on 50 Shades of White: Biblical Sexuality for Women and in the evening on Living the Life Transparent: Building Female Friendships.  Both topics were well received and the women asked some great questions.

As I prepared for the second talk on friendship I became thoroughly convinced that somewhere along the way we have decided that friendship is a luxury and not a necessity.  In the rush of our daily life it is time (face-to-face time) with friends that seems to fall by the wayside.  

When God called me to this topic I thought it would be an easy one. Instead, I found it challenging. It made me uncomfortable as I realized how poor a friend I have been this year in the midst of an unusually crazy schedule. It made me question what kind of example I have been setting in regards to friendship for my teenage daughters. It made me wonder if I would want to be friends with me.

God created friendship as his gift to us. He created us for relationship and intended for us to do life together. Francis Farmer said, "To have a good friend is the purest of God's gifts." Shauna Niequist wrote, "Friendship is God's best evidence of himself here on earth." Jesus himself modeled the importance of friendship throughout his life and ministry. In the few weeks prior to his death Jesus set aside his public ministry and instead spent time with his three closest friends (Peter, James & John) and with the disciples, his next closest group of friends.

As Christians, friendship gives us the opportunity for unity in Christ as we pray together, speak the truth in love to each other and encourage each other. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

God even created us to experience biological benefits when we invest in and develop female friendships. It is an antidote to stress, increases our immunity, and lowers our cholesterol, heart rate and blood pressure. In fact a Harvard study found that not having close friends gave us the same health risk as being obese or smoking.

God designed us to be in relationship and he gave us friendship as a gift. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Who do you have in your life that does that for you? And who are you doing it for in return? Because in the end friendship is not a luxury. It is a necessity. 

 

 

A Spirit of Power, Love & Self Discpline

Have you ever read a passage in the Bible that you had read before but suddenly a single verse seems to jump off the page and in to your heart and mind? 2 Timothy 1:7 is one of those verses for me – “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self-discipline.” God’s timing in the revelation of this verse has made a significant impact in my life and my ministry over the last few years.

 POWER: I have come to realize how very little I tap in to the power given to me through my relationship with Christ. A recent song by Jeremy Camp sums it up beautifully:

The same power that rose Jesus from the grave

The same power that commands the dead to wake

Lives in us, lives in us

The same power that moves mountains when He speaks

The same power that can calm a raging sea

Lives in us, lives in us

He lives in us, lives in us

The power of the Holy Spirit helps me to overcome my fears and insecurities in speaking on difficult topics, meeting a room full of new people and ministering to strangers.

 LOVE: Matthew 22:36-39 says, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ We are a nation of people who generally do not love themselves. So if Jesus commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves and we do not love ourselves how does that play out with the people around us? Consider how worthy God finds you for love:

He knit you together in your mother’s womb – Psalm 139:13

You are fearfully & wonderfully made – Psalm 139:14

Every hair on your head is numbered - Matthew 10:30

You are engraved on the palms of His hands - Isaiah 49:16

 SELF-DISCIPLINE: I could go in so many directions this one – for a healthy body and for a healthy mind - just to name two. But I am going to look at self-discipline in regards to temptation. In Matthew 26:41 & Mark 14:38 it says, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” To stay away from anything that will lead me back into an addiction to pornography takes self-discipline. I was not freed from the addiction by my own power and I will not be able stay free by my own strength. But I do have to have the self-discipline to watch and to pray and to follow God’s leading to stay on the narrow path.

 Please pray with me: Lord, thank you that you did not give me a spirit of timidity. Help me to fully realize and grow into the spirit of power, love and self-discipline that you have already given me. Amen.

Music Matters

Friday night we attended a Christian rock concert with our youngest daughter who is a junior in high school. Sidewalk Prophets & 10th Avenue North rocked the venue. Part way through the evening she told us there was no place she would rather be than at that concert with her parents on a Friday night.

Psalm 95:2 says, “Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.” That is exactly what happened in that arena. To a sold out crowd they made Psalm 100:1-2 a reality - “Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.”

In a previous post I mentioned that we had tried to raise our daughters to keep the following scenario in mind: If Jesus knocked on the door and came in to our house could he listen to your music, watch that TV show or movie with you, read any book on your shelf?

To our family that meant investing time and money into Christian music. We attended concerts together, listened and supported a Christian radio station and played that type of music at home. When our girls were still at the car seat stage singing from the back seat we wanted it to be lyrics that were appropriate. Lyrics that would build our daughters up, encourage good choices and help them to be better people.

They started attending concerts when they were too little to keep their seat down with their own weight. (It was a good thing their Dad had long arms since they insisted they were big girls and could sit by themselves!) As they got older we chose to always say yes to any reasonable request to attend a concert, download a CD or buy a concert T-shirt.

And as they got older they began to feel the difference of what it meant to be raised in a counter-cultural way with their music choices. Most of their friends did not know their music and they did not know the music that was popular with people their own age. They have a wardrobe of rock concert t-shirts that are generally only recognized at the church camp where they work and at youth group.

Attending school dances was uncomfortable at first with all the loud music they did not know and did not appreciate. An evening out with friends who were cranking their favorite bands could also be awkward. This opened up some great dialog with our teens as to why we chose to raise them with this type of music and why we made these choices for our family.

Scientists have found that music stimulates more parts of the brain than any other human function. My challenge for you today is to prayerfully consider your music choices? Do the songs you hear build you up, encourage good choices and help you to be a better person?

 

 

 

When Saying Goodbye Makes Your Arms Ache

Our oldest daughter got on a plane this afternoon. She is returning to the second half of her first semester as a freshman at a college several hours away. Friends have told me it will get easier as time goes by. I am sure they are right. However, today felt as fresh and as painful as the day we left her at her dorm back in August.

She is content in the college she has chosen. We did due dilligence researching numerous colleges and visiting several campuses. More importantly we sought God's will and had many people praying for wisdom and discernment (James 1:5) that we would find the best place for her to spend the next 4 years. God answered our prayers and we are at peace knowing she is in the right place.

Our daughter was ready for college. Both academically and socially. Turns out her mama was not quite as ready for her to go. I probably need to stop here and give you a little background. I am a child of the 80s who was super focused on doing whatever it took to have a big, successful career. If I got married I was never having kids and if I had kids I was never going to be a stay-at-home mom.

God, however, had different plans for my life. I got married, was blessed with 2 amazing daughters and choose a career path that allowed me to work from home so I could be home with our girls. Changing the path I had set out for myself and deciding to have children was a very difficult, scary thing for me. 

I remember various well-meaning women along the way telling me to enjoy each moment, to not wish for the next stage, that they would be grown up and gone before I knew it. Accurate advise but hard to take or understand when you have a toddler on your leg, a baby at your breast and you just need sleep.

Turns out those well-meaning women were, of course, right. Those first 18 years passed in the blink of an eye and my daughter has grown up and gone before I knew it. My biggest worry as she left was not any of the typical ones but rather would she get enough hugs? Which brings us back to my aching arms. The two best hugs that I have ever shared with my first born was the day she was born and the first time we saw each other after a 7 week separation at college. My arms no longer ached as I held my daughter tight.

One of our goals as parents is to prepare our children for independence.  Which means an opening of our arms and a releasing. Now if my arms would only quit aching!

More of You & Less of Me

My heart’s cry as I delve into the ministry God has placed before me is, “More of you and less of me God.” I don’t want to care what other people think. I don’t want to check my web site and facebook repeatedly to see how many people have “liked” a blog post or commented. I don’t want insecurity or doubt to make me less effective in the role God has given me. I want this to be about God. I want people to see God working through me and not see me. I don’t want the glory I want God to be glorified.

But in my humanness I struggle to make all of the above a reality. It shouldn’t matter who comments, or how many likes, or how often I am booked to speak, or how many people attend a workshop. But honestly, sometimes - too many times - I let it matter. And suddenly it becomes about me. I take my eyes off God for just a moment and lose focus. Paul writes in Romans 7:15, “For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”  I understand his lament all too well.

John 3:30 says, “He must become greater; I must become less.” John the Baptist was speaking of his own ministry decreasing as Jesus’s earthly ministry grew. Personalizing that in my own life means striving to truly make my life less about me and more about God. It means giving God 110% of the credit for all that he has accomplished in my life. It means staying humble in the face of compliments and applause. It means truly serving with right motives and with a servant heart.

I want humility to become second nature not just in my ministry but in all areas of my life. And frankly, I would rather choose humility than be humbled because of my foolish pride. Matthew 23:12 says, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 14:11 & James 4:6 echo this verse.

All of my talents and gifts were created by God, given by God and are to be used by God and for God. I have a certain number of days in which to use what God has given me to make an eternal difference. The late, great Erma Bombeck once said, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’”

In what areas of your life do you struggle with pride? And where do you need less of you and more of God?

Be Transformed

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” What does it mean to be transformed and to renew your mind when you are recovering from an addiction to pornography? In my case that meant first getting rid of the pornographic material I was consuming.

Easier said than done.

When God opened my eyes to my addiction to pornography I was in the middle of nowhere, by myself, in a cabin with an e-reader filled with graphic, explicit material. I was so disgusted by the material I had been reading that I needed it deleted and I needed it deleted NOW.

Getting wifi in that area is tricky at the best of times. Getting wifi that day to delete the material meant walking around the cabin and the woods for hours to catch a signal and delete a book one at a time. I did not just want them deleted from my e-reader. I also wanted them deleted from the website where they were archived.

When that was finally done I thought that was the end of my electronic temptations. Wrong again. Because the main stream web sites I used to order books – both hard copy and electronic – had been tracking my preferences and my purchases. For months afterwards when I went on line to buy books they would “suggest” pornographic titles to me because of my buying history. And if I didn’t visit their web sites they would send me emails recommending titles from this genre.

In the early months I personalized part of 1 Corinthians 10:13 which states in part, “God is faithful; he will not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear. When I am tempted, he will provide a way out so I can endure it.”

During this difficult transition I found God‘s promises and scripture resonating with me in a new and powerful way. But I also had to do my part by removing myself from temptation. The e-books were gone but I had shelves of books at home. Certainly not as hard core but still a slippery slope for me. These books were by best-selling authors that I had collected for years. However as the years passed, the sex scenes in these main stream books had become more and more explicit.

Getting rid of my hard copy books was more difficult that I had anticipated. As an avid reader all of my life I was very invested in some of these books and the characters described within their pages. I had favorites that I had read so many times they were falling apart. Old standbys that went on vacation after vacation and were re-read annually. Books that had been part of my life for more than 20 years and through numerous moves. Removing myself from temptation meant removing these books from my home.

In what areas of your life do you struggle with temptation? And what part do you need to play to stay away from your slippery slope? Please join me today in praying Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Amen.

Your One-Time-Around Life

I heard a speaker this past weekend at a women’s retreat use the phrase “your one-time-around life.” The words made an impact on me and I have thought about them several times in the last few days. At age 47 I am  solidly in what could be considered mid-life.  I am finding this a unique position from which to look forward and from which to look back.

Sometimes God clearly shows us where we took a wrong turn. With hindsight I can tell you exactly when I made the choice to read a series of books that led me down the rabbit hole of pornography. I looked at this series several times over several months knowing they were not the right choice for me. But I continued to go back to that used bookstore and pick them up, read the jacket copy and consider them. No harm in looking or so I thought. But each visit weakened my resolve and each time found me rationalizing the eventual purchase of these books.

With hindsight I wish I had shared the temptation with a friend who could have prayed for me and held me accountable. I wish I could have clearly seen the deception for what it was and made a different choice.  I wish I had taken a different route to school each day so that it would not be so easy to stop at the bookstore. I wish I could have clearly seen the gaping hole that was right in front of me.

But I didn’t.

And as a result I ended up wasting part of my one-time-around life with an addiction to pornography that damaged my relationship with Christ, my family, my friends and myself. But in God’s economy nothing is wasted. On the other side of my addiction I had a choice. And that choice was whether or not I was going to allow God to be glorified through my experience.

Philippians 2:13 says, “For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purposes.” God can use all of our broken, dark places for his purposes when we choose to let him.

In the book of Esther scripture tells us that God placed her in her royal position “for such a time as this.” We are not here by mistake. Ask yourself today - what does God want you to do with your one-time-around life?

Carry One Another's Burden

“More hurting women, more women seeking me out outside of the workshop to tell me their stories, seek my advice and have me pray with them. “ I wrote that sentence in an email after the first weekend of sharing 50 Shades of White: Biblical Sexuality for Women last September.

I wasn’t prepared for the response before the workshop or after. Some women chose not to attend because they worried that there might be guilt by association - why would SHE go to THAT? Others stayed away because they did not think it pertained to them or anyone they knew. Some single women thought it might be only for married women.  The ones who had the courage to walk through the door came for a variety of reasons – personal struggle, curiosity about the topic, a desire to be educated on an important subject, seeking knowledge to help a friend or to safeguard themselves.

Afterwards I was sought out for conversation and prayer about pornography (his and hers), adultery, bisexuality, masturbation, homosexuality, lack of sex in marriage, HIV, sexual abuse and more. There was such a hunger from these women to talk about it, to try to find answers, to have prayer over it. And all I could think is the majority of these women know Christ or are at least regular church attenders. I can't imagine going through any of the things that these women shared with me without the rock of Jesus Christ on which to stand. 

I left camp feeling battered, bruised, overwhelmed and incredibly humbled by what these women had shared with me. I cried for the first 30 miles while having an animated conversation with God out loud the entire time. Not dainty little tears that seeped slowly from each eye but more of an all-out bawling that welled up from deep inside and hurt to shed.  Anyone driving by me would have thought I was crazy!

The conversation went something like this, "HELP! God I am not prepared for all of this. You are breaking my heart over these women and it HURTS! You are making a pin cushion out of my heart and I don't like it. But I have told you if you open the door I will walk through it. And Lord I am going to choose to thank you for breaking my heart over the things that break yours even though it is hard and it hurts and I don't like it. I'm scared Lord. I feel the crushing weight and responsibility of the position you have placed me in. I need more of you and less of me Lord." And on and on the conversation went for a good 30 miles. (Luckily my guardian angels were watching out for me since I really should have pulled over for this conversation!)

In Galatians 6:2 we are told to “carry one another’s burdens.” What does that look like in your life today? In what area is your heart being broken for the needs of the people around you? My prayer is that you would take time to seek God’s will and ask how you can help to carry another’s burden.

Called to be Transparent

I think all of us work hard to create an image and be perceived in a certain way. When we mess up and make mistakes we do damage control to make sure as few people as possible know.  In my own case I worked hard to keep my sinful inner life separate from the outer image that I presented to the world.

When God brought me through my pornography addiction I had 2 choices. To keep it to myself or to testify to the work God had done in my life and allow him to be glorified. Bringing my addiction into the light is not what I would have chosen but it is clearly the call God has placed on my life.

To move this ministry forward I had to start by telling close personal friends and family before I could make it public. James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Seems pretty straight forward but it was incredibly difficult to put into practice when it involved confessing to people like my husband, teenage daughters, parents, and my Bible Study Ladies.

My husband knew of my struggles and was supportive when I shared what I had experienced at the conference. He fully understood from the beginning what this would mean to our marriage and our family.

Telling our teenage daughters was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I put it off as long as possible. I waited until I was forced by a printed brochure that included my workshop 50 Shades of White: Biblical Sexuality for Women. A brochure that my youngest daughter would be stuffing in a mailing the next day at a camp where she worked.

Our daughters were 15 & 17 at the time. Their response was more than I could have hoped for and certainly more than I could have imagined. One said it was good to know I wasn’t perfect and that she would be praying. The other said she was so sorry that I had gone through that and that she too would be praying.

At every turn I have received nothing but support and encouragement from the ones who know and love me best. But somehow it does not get any easier to be this transparent to people I know and with those I do not know.

Prior to my website and facebook I was able to control and segment who knew what about my ministry and my pornography addiction. The day I launched my website I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up. It was now public domain and available to anyone who cared to look. Hitting “publish” meant there was no going back.

The second entry that I posted on Facebook grabbed the first few lines of my blog in the feed and clearly stated that God had broken me free my porn addiction. Again, a moment of total panic realizing it was out there for everyone to see. When I boiled these reactions down I realized they came from caring more about what people thought than about the importance of obeying God and testifying to his work in my life.

In Mark 5:19 Jesus says, “. . . Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” My prayer for you (and for me) today is that we will care less about what other people think and more about being transparent as we testify to the work God has done in our lives. 

God Is in the Details

I mentioned in my previous post that God broke me free from my porn addiction in a dramatic way in October 2013. What I didn’t mention was my plan to never share my dirty little secret with anyone. Ever notice how our plan is often not the same as God's plan?

Fast forward to April 2014. Scrolling through some email early one morning I noticed a Christian speaker/author was coming to town that I admired. Clicking on the link I realized she was sold out unless you attended a leadership conference for women as well.  Snagging the last few tickets I reached out to some other women I serve with on a leadership team.

We attended together and decided to split up on the workshops to gather as much information as possible. I chose a workshop on BibIical Sexuality and prayed no one I knew would be in attendance. I was longing for information and answers, but scared of what might be shared and how it might affect me.

When the time came I could not get myself to walk through that door as I watched a steady stream of women fill the room. Feeling a spiritual shove from behind I stumbled down the aisle at the last possible minute and found a seat in the front row. Catching my breath, I turned to find myself sitting next to the head of our leadership team. I pulled out my notebook, feigned a nonchalance I did not feel, and began taking notes.

The speaker painted a vivid picture of the tsunami of sexual change overtaking our culture. She spoke of the urgent need for women to rise up and testify to God’s work and healing in this area of their lives. The longer she talked the more convicted I became that she was speaking directly to me.  I began to physically shake as I realized that I was being called to let God’s light shine in a very public way into this very private area of my life.

As the speaker finished I turned to the women next to me, who heads the leadership team, and with tears streaming down my face confessed that I was that woman. And that God was clearing calling me to talk about my experience, addiction and recovery process. And, oh, by the way, could I do it at the fall retreats? Despite the challenging nature of this topic she did not hesitate to say yes.  So much for my plans to lead a workshop on hospitality and entertaining at the fall retreats!

Only God could possibly be in the details of the email buried in my inbox, the last few tickets available for sale, the conference coming to town, the workshop topic, the speaker’s call to witness, the seating arrangements, and the right person next to me at the right time to help get this ministry started. 

My prayer for your today is that you would see where God is working in the details of your life and that you would have the courage to follow where he leads.